yesterday i had my first “3-D Design: Body in Time Class”. being the over ambitious person that i am at times, i registered for the most difficult of the choices. we have to use abstract concepts in all of our projects, while creating something that is beautiful and transfers the message. while sitting in the classroom i came to see that concepts in art are one of the most important parts of the whole shibang, and it’s isn’t just bs fluff either. I am so nervous, and scared, but i can’t wait to see what i churn out in this class, and all of my other classes for that matter. i am studying with people who astonish me every other second. maybe i will be one of those people.
i think it is really important to take chances, get nervous, put yourself out there, and expose yourself. If you fail it makes you stronger, if you succeed it just encourages you more.
Fuck society. Fuck normality. Get piercings. Get tattoos. Do drugs. Get high. Drink ‘till you pass out. Have sex. Love with all your heart. Play the music loud. Live your fucking life. Fuck what people expect of you. Do what makes you happy.
standing on my balcony, watching the rain, i thought about something kind of weird. people say you should never have regrets. is that really true? i know that everything one in their right mind does is for a reason, whether it is sparked by an emotion or some other motivation, but what if it is a bad thing? what if you said something mean to someone you love..or even someone you hate? even hating someone someone doesn’t give the excuse to harass them with your words.
over the past year and a bit, i have learned a lot about people. i saw the world from different perspectives and sometimes didn’t like it at all. i am glad i met the people that i did and went through what i did. i have gained friends…then lost them, then gained some more. i even became even closer to people that were just casual friends. it’s amazing how life has a way of surprising you like that. i am glad that i have stayed close to my lovems too. hopefully i will never lose the good friends i have now. hopefully i will never say anything that i would regret to them.
(title inspiration cred to my homegirl shalit.)
i miss feeling goosebumps from the harmonies of the violins sinking into my skin. i miss having music surround me. i miss being one tiny cog in a machine that’s creates something so beautiful. it was so fun, and shouldn’t be take for granted.
so, i was sitting on my balcony, pinking after watching skins all day, and realized something. no one really knows anything at this stage in life. we all are just trying to make the best of what we have and reach for other things. sometimes we go about it in the wrong way, but that’s okay. because those are the times that we learn what we know.
i don’t know if i am liberal, or conservative, or if health care should be changed or whatever. i can learn. i dont know if god is real or not. i dont know if people should act on impulse or think before they speak. i dont know a lot, but what i do know is that we learn so much, all the fucking time. don’t be opinionated unless you know. but how do you ever really know anything? i struggle with who i am, my opinions and such. i used to think that was a bad thing, a weakness if you will. now i realize that that is what makes me stronger.
all i really know is that i am living my life the way i want to do it. people make wrong choices, but bounce back. it is okay to be scared and confused. just live.
to the woods we go and through the thorns and pines we go and laugh and tramp but there are not tramps and thank da lawd fo dat and it is cold and we stand and then we sit it feels unnatural at first to have eleven fingers and this last one placed so awkwardly between two others but then again my lips still taste sweet and my man sweater does not smell like man anymore but like a fur coat wearing woman the woman with the townhouse in Manhattan who is the editor
we talk of fireplaces the cult of writing musicians the new york apartments children for three out of four of us the potential one lost potential creativity nostalgia for moments looking out at Winston-Salem from Reynolds futility good questions very good questions
but I look above their heads and I see the branches arched ready to fall but still stretching out and I interpret this: risk it all.
”—i thought this was written beautifully. it really captured the night. thanks chachaslide
walking and walking we went. me and three people i consider to me some of the closest and most entertaining of all of my friends, went a-walkin through thorny bushes tonight. we talked, and i really felt totally comfortable.
friends are the people you tell your P stories to, and you don’t feel embarrassed. friends are the people you tell your perverted thoughts to without feeling judged. they are the people that i can mention the same heart-ache to, and they don’t get annoyed. THOSE are the people i hung out with tonight. half moons, cresent moons, butt moons, writing musicians, rjr reunions, fabulousness, fireplaces, everything.